Relationships are challenging. It’s not something we’re taught in school, and most of us have few, if any, good role models to emulate. It understands the most common behaviors that damage relationships can be an excellent first step to having a relationship that lasts.

See how many of these behaviors seem familiar to yourself or your partner.

These behaviors can doom a relationship to failure:

1. Fear of intimacy. Maybe you want someone in your life but don’t want them to get too close. This is a common fear, particularly among men, but women struggle with this relationship challenge. Eventually, your partner will become frustrated with the contrast between your need for love and your expectation of failure.

2. Poor communication habits. This can include everything from not mentioning the little things that get on your nerves to just not communicating meaningfully daily. The quality of the communication ultimately determines how close you stay in the long run.

• Avoid fighting via text message. This is especially common with couples that are frequently separated by distance. This is a dangerous practice. We’re all a little bolder than we would typically be while texting. It’s also easy to misinterpret when you can’t hear or see the other person.

• Expect the other person to figure out what’s bothering you. This is a common challenge. No matter how much the other person loves you, they can’t read your mind. Take responsibility for your happiness and need-fulfillment, and let your partner know what you need.

• Avoidance. Many of us like to give silent treatment when we feel annoyed or wronged. This accomplishes nothing other than escalating the situation. Your partner becomes resentful and less interested in resolving the issue.

3. Insecurity. Insecurity is a relationship killer. You drive yourself and your
partner crazy. This lack of confidence could be more attractive. Your partner also eventually feels insulted. Insecurity can manifest itself in many ways:

• Are you frequently jealous? This can include your partner’s close friends and previous relationships.

• Do you analyze what your partner says and do for some sign that they are losing interest?

• Do you need constant reassurance that everything is okay?

• Do you spend more time worrying about your relationship’s stability than you enjoy it?

• If you have a lot of insecurity in your relationships, consider addressing your levels of self-confidence and self-esteem.

4. A need for control. Do you feel the need to control every aspect of your
relationship? No one likes to be dominated day in and day out. Ask yourself why you feel the need to control everything about your relationship and your partner. Micromanaging doesn’t work in the workplace, and it won’t work at home.

• This is commonly camouflaged as caretaking taken to the extreme. But caring for the other person isn’t the real purpose. The real purpose is control.

5. Assuming the role of the martyr. “Nice guys” and many women often assume this role. They mistakenly believe that if they sacrifice enough in the name of their partner’s happiness, they’ll eventually get what they need in the end. Over time, this leads to a level of resentment that can never be satisfied.

Could you look at your past relationships and consider how many of these behaviors were present in yourself or the other person? Avoiding these common behaviors can give your relationships a much better chance of surviving and thriving. Take a hard look at yourself and make the necessary adjustments. Fantastic relationships make life an exciting and rewarding experience.

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